GETTING TIRED OF LOVING SOMEONE

MY HEAD GONNA BE BLAST NOW,I CANT THINK ANYTHING,CANT DO ANYTHING,NO IMAGINATION OR ANYTHING ELSE.

I WAS CONFUSED OF UR SO MUCH LOVE FROM FEW DAYS.WAS NOT BELIEVING HOW ITS POSIBLE TO GET CHANGE ON A PERSON THIS MUCH.MY DOUBT WAS TRUE THAT U WERE NOT CHANGED FOR.AGAIN THE SAME TO DISSAPOINT ME,

M SO SAD NOW ,ALL MY HOPES AND EXCITEMENT YOU THROW THEM TO DUST BIN.M EMPTY ONCE AGAIN.AND HURTED OF MY OWN THINKING THAT I CUD MAKE EVERYTHING POSIBLE FOR THIS RELATION.

u CANT SHARE ANYTHING TO ME,IF YOU DON’T SHARE U CANT HELP ME FOR PLAN I WANT CREATE,IF I  DON’T HAVE UR HELP N SUPPORT I CANT DO ANYTHING.if I cant do anything why u r talking this way about love?? then this relation going for nothing,we are not lover but just frend.and from a friendship I sud not expect too much.but I did and that ws my mistake.thr is lotz I have to ask you,but u made me disspoint from 1^st question I ask with u,and u block all rest questions too.

I told you many times don’t push me in darkness.but u alwiz the same.you alwiz wants me to throw a stone to dark and to put it on the pot,how I can do that ,?? I don’t even have imagination for it.all I need is my manu and the plan for future.for this I have paid lots pain in past and until now from you too.dont know how much more to pay in future also,but why ??

Why u alwiz keeping me in this destination less journey ,don’t even know wer n how to go .

If nothing can be happen there is no reason to hold on,better we break this relation coz u cant even help me.u said na u have lots guys thr ? so choose 1of them so it will be easy for you to make all,thats really better for you,and about me? Don’t care of it,

But plz stop punishing me .i dnt want more pain from doing somthing good.

Or

If u cant answer me and cant help me,but u want keep relation??? ,give me plan,make it by urslef,and let me follow that,I will follow whatever u ask me to …do it !!

If u cant do both just plz block me from ur list,and be happy coz I wont bother you again n again.feel free to do all,I will really not blame you for anything,its like a chance to you.

I will live as I can ,with whtever I will have ,,empty ,loveless lone ,or anything,im ready to face.coz its too much trials I have given to life,I cant do more na,really tired with my life.why this much of pain for just to have my manu.too much na,I cant afford more,so better close her account also and forget everything about Manu.i don’t need anything,let me be alone ,,for rest of life I will live as my destiny wants,I wanted to change everything but so few achievements with me,mostly r not as what I wanted.same in this relation also.whatever I want I cant do.even thr is no selfish desire,

If nothing happen ,I am extermly sorry for you to disturb you r time u passed with me,

I am sooryy and please be kind to forgive me for everything I have done and desire with you/

You can choose option here.

1)      Answer me all I ask to you for the plan I want make for this relation,

2)      Or give me a plan with destination so I will follow whatever you ask me to do.

If you cant do both of them to give me smile, do something to make me happy…….

3)      Block me from your list and get a life and be happy for all u wanted and what u got.

You have options to choose!

Godbless you alwiz…

This is how i was wrong !

Loving you was now my past already, loved you was my craziness, plan for you was my stupidity, trying to give happiness was my poor desire, to give you smile on your lips was my fantasy, coz I was wrong .just to try to do all as reality for any person,, coz you were not looking for that but something else I can’t mention here,just because it’s a place where I can keep my MANJARI .

As you said thinking about my future is real, I can find my better life w o you is my future, and it’s so good, I can show my attention to other all if I don’t have you is also truth. You wanted to save my life was good path.  got lots of hurt and pain while having you was your intension to let me feel I have other life also, your thinking not to let me die for you was a nice thought in your mind saying to me that love is not life it’s just part of it, everything I wanted to do for you and your ignorance for that also a very kind you have done, that letting me know only 1 person can’t be everything for any1…you broke me, destroyed me, tried to killed me also was your intension to give new life to me. all I am thinking about you now is good, even in words you’re so good to seeing to other, so how you were best while you were in reality, all you did for me is so good to feel…

Thanking you to doing all for my life, for my living, for my future, for my better smile,

You were really good and true and me!! …………………………………………..was wrong at all,,,

New Dream about Manu'

MANU’

I dreamed about you today, with me in my hug, joking with me by being beside of me, and I hope and pray for now for that real act you do with me, imagination of me will come true that way was in my dream, loving you is really crazy thinking, coz no1 has imagination as I do for you, means I haven’t found any1 keeping same imagination for long as symbol of my love, with change of every time people changes their thinking so imagination also goes change, but me stupid or good, don’t really know having same imagination for long, so I cud be more sure than them that I will find you just as I want you to be ,for friend of my craziness, hope of my dream, support of my plan, and love of my life, I will have you then I can show how I will make u cry and comfort you with my love, tears ,sadness, sorrow of you will be my pleasure, coz only that time I cud show you my love care and comfort you by that way, easy for me to make you happy and cry, haha,, sorry, but I want it to happen in real, lots love desire to make you happy, and thinking to give you pleasure from my love with full of dedication and care ,,faith on you and relation we will have.

           Manjul and Manjari is my imagination so it will be hard for you to understand all, but I’m sure as I make you and me for love just that way I will make u understand on that. You are being a part of me soon and so soon as I plan for you and me and for us and our love,

Loving you is forever…..as my last hope and living desire.Happy now, it’s me your

                                                                                                                               Man Manjul 

Aama huna gaaro chha rey--नेपथ्य

Aama huna garo chha by Nepathya

शुन्यता का पाइला ।

शुन्यता का पाइला

पूर्ण निरस
बिल्कुल एक्ला
गन्तब्यहिन
कुदेक पाइला
शुन्यता का पाइला

बाचेर होइन
बाचिदिएर
सोचेर होइन
सोचिदिएर
चलेका यात्राका
अबिराम पाइला
शुन्यता का पाइला

कश्टहरु खेप्दै तर
कारण नखोजी
कार्यहरु गर्दै तर
किन नबुझी
आफ्नो लागि नसोचेर
बाधेका पाइला पनि
शुन्यताका पाइला

प्यारो बन्ने रहर बिच बैरी बनेर
बग्दै आउछ बग्दै जान्छ
कीनार छोडेर
अधिकार बिहिन कर्तब्य
निभाइरहेका पाइला
शुन्यताका पाइला.....

बिगत गयो ,बर्तमान खोज्दै ,,,
भबिश्य नसोची
हरेस खाँदै मन्द गतिमा
घस्रिएका पाइला
शुन्यता का

जिउनु छ २ दिन
निदाएर १ दिन
मात्रा २४ घण्टा मा बाडिएका
निस्सार पाइला
शुन्यता का पाइला

सुरुवात जीवन को
अनी अन्त्य एक्लै
तर साथ खोज्दै
दौलत को चाहमा स्वार्थी बनेका
ब्यस्त पाइला
शुन्यता बस शुन्यता का पाइला ।

मनीक गैरे

                                    

"LAST LOVE LETTER” for 1st love,

I am proud that I loved you more than my imagination and capacity, was rally too much than I can explain ,now I knew it coz I compare with you, but your sickness and bad desire didn’t care my feelings, if I look at you by my normal way of love with realizing my reality, you are really not the person to be loved by me, and hanging with, all and every1 knows but love is blind so u became succeed to make me blind too, my heart feel  you the way you share your life, and every situation you have, the way you act like care of me, understand me, loved me, make me fall in love with you, it was my pleasure to be with you for your sake not u to suffer any craziness, with all possible I can do you to give heavenly pleasure of my  love and protection from any difficulties was only my intension .its not that im jealous of your living, or hurt by your decision to break all promises and plan we have created ,coz I know I born alone and will die alone, so I don’t have any expectation even with my life,in this condition what may I have desire with you,if I had anything to expect just some chances to bring smile on ur face from your heart, but now just im worrying of the person I love most, more thinking about how ur future will be for you,

I was still holding your hands with full of care, love and safety with being in love with you every moment, but suddenly u changed, what da damn happen on your mind you throw my lovely hand away, ignored everything of me and true love I was giving to you, the way you betrayed me is neither I can share with any1 nor I can keep my feelings shut off, those all feelings increasing every moment like preparing to blast as volcano and do maximum harm to my life.

Just imagine and remember ,,,since beginning if any sadness I have given to you, and which smile I couldn’t provide you, I fought with so many obstacle for you, I have taken so many decision even those are against of me and my family just to give smile to you,I know u cant think of them now,coz u r still in hell, holding by devil, you may stay happy there for now, and you may have some reason of smile there now, but ever you dare to ask you heart what it says? Is that really u looking for? are you really wanted that? My selfless heart still watching on you to save you from more loss of you, another   way of care..

My heart knows someday [not so far] you will loss the reason of you current happiness providing for,as a rule of nature, what will happen to you at the time you look back and found really nothing,u can imagine it from ur present too, as I know u r climbing the height which is not your destination and more the way you are choosing is also not so safe and no subway to return. you might reach at the  top but there wont be any point after that to look for, you cant be back too, that’ condition of you also 1 of the reason of my sadness now, the way you are ignoring your reality, feelings and care, love I do for you won’t be with you anymore, so that emptiness will kill you, and will let you to regret for rest life, you will just have a life of regret and un forgiveness  you can’t be sorry for your life even,,

That’s your future I have drawn as I know you ,your life ,and the reality you have with you ,try to discuss with feelings of you r heart and thinking of mind, if you are agree with what I said, just try to gate back from the hell you are suffering from, time is still waiting for you with the last hope.

Loving you was not game I played ,I loved you for pleasure, loving you now with lots hurt and pain, and will loving you till the last for ever and ever………..<3 <3 <3

                                 Its real that I love you really really for nothing,,,,

Translated written feelings of Nepali paragraph from my diary titled “LOVE LETTER” for my 1^st love,

Just trying to share you here for improve my broken English ,lol’

Thank you for the time you spend to read this,,, JJJJJ

For my imagination,,My MANJARI'

sorry manu ,,i insult you , ,your name ,,position and the reason u created for,,i was blind to judge you,,,really its hurting me that i missuse you,,slection for u was so wrong,,i was really fool,,and never knew that im being of,whatever hapens,,u r alwiz there for me to hear,,undstand and forgive,,,thats why u r mine,,just my manjari ,,as symbol of love,,,i love you so much,,,
sorry,,to say im laughing now,,by thinking how i was,,,why did i do unfair to you,,,im realy sorry la,,,

ITS NOT LIE MY LOVE WILL NEVER GO !!

TILL MY BREATH STOPS,,,TILL MY LIFE OFF,,,TILL MY HEARTBEAT STOPS,,,
I WILL PRAY FOR YOU,, WILL LOVE YOU ,,AND LOVE YOU ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
JUST TO SHOW MY LOVE WAS NOT FAKE TO SHOW OTHER AND JUST TO HAVE ROMANCE OR ENTERTAINMENT,,,AS IN-LOVE THERE IS NO EXPECTATION IN MY LOVE TO I DONT HAVE ANY DESIRE WITH YOU TO HAVE,,,, BUT JUST LOOKING FOR CHANCE TO LOVE YOU AND MEAN OF MY LOVE,,MAY YOU CAN STAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS INSIST OF ME BUT I CANT DO ANY ACT WITHOUT YOUR TOUCH,,I CANT MOVE ,,CANT SLEEP ,,CANT EAT,,N O ANY INTEREST WITH LIFE AS NO ANY INTEREST TO LIVE THIS WORTHLESS LIFE,,
I HAVE MAKE YOU OPEN ,,SORRY TO BLOCK YOUR WAY TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH YOUR FRIENDS ,,,,BUT I STILL DONT WANT TO SHARE MY FEELINGS WITH ANY1 ELSE ,,WHICH YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME AS YOUR SWEET GIFT,,BEFORE AND NOW JUST,,,
WHATEVER HAPPENS MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ENDLESS AND  ITS TRUE ,,YOU RECEIVE IT OR THROW IT I DONT CARE JUST,,BUT I WILL STILL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS,,,AND FOREVER,,,ITS Y DESTINY AND I DONT HAVE ANY EXCEPTION OF IT !!

TEARS AND LIFE

LOVE WHAT  A SWEET WORD TO HEAR,,GIVES LOTS HAPPINESS AND PAIN TOGETHER,,MOSTLY PAIN IS THE CHARACTER OF LOVE.IN MY LIFE TOO ,,MANY TIME I FALL INLOVE BUT ALL THE TIME I BECAME FAILED TO ESTABLISH MY LOVE AS FOREVER LOVE,IM TRUE WITH EVRYONE BUT EVEN DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE DOSENT LIKE TRUE LOVE,,,,,,,,,,,,NOTHING TO DO BY KEEPING ALL THOSE MEMORY IN MIND STILL ,,BUT THERE IS NO ANY OTHER OPTION TO HIDE THEM ALSO ,SO IM HELPLESS ONCE AGAIN IN LIFE..
I LOST MY LOVE OR TRUST JUST BECOZ I DONT HAVE MONEY ,,WHY ALL THE TIME SAME HAPPENS TO ME?BUT STILL I DONT CARE ABOUT MONEY ,,MONEY IS NOTHING ON LIFE ,IF THERE IS LIVING MONEY CUD BE CREATED ,,BUT NO,,NO1 CAN ACCEPT ME, AND THINKING OF MINE,IM FAILED ,,LOOSER AND BAD ,,,BECOZ I HAVE TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT LOVE,NO MORE INTREST TO TRY TO TRUST SOME1 NOW,ALL AND EVERY1 IS PRETENDING,AND ITS SO EASY TO PRETEND ME,NOW IM LOST FROM M THE WORLD OF LOVE,HOPE AND WISH I WILL NEVER COME BACK TO......
ONCE AGAIN I DIED,,AND JUST LIVING AS DEAD BODY !JUST AND ONLY !!!
WAS THINKING IM TRUE LOVER AND PARTNER IM HAVING IS SAME WITH ME,,BUT I NEVER NOTICE PEOPLE ALL ARE NOT LIKE ME,,SO AGAINN AND AGAIN I CHANGE MY MOOD AND FALLED IN LOVE,,,,BUT AFTER ALL ,,EVERYTIME I GOT ONLY TEARS ,,,,SO I DONT HAVE DESIRE TO LIVE ALSO BUT THERE IS SOME OTHER REASON ALSO WITH ME TO BE SELFLESS,,SO WILL NOT DIE BUT LIVE FOR NOTHING,,,NO REALLY FOR MY LIFE,,HOPE AFTER FINISH MY RESPONSIBILITY I CAN STOP MY BREATH EASILY ,,GOD KNOWS AT ALL,,WHAT IS REALLY INSIDE OF ME,SO HE MAY JUDGE ME ,,AND GIVE ME PEACE OF SOUL,,I PRAY ONLY FOR THAT NOW,,,,,,

LIVING ON LAKE OF TEARS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,....................

EKLAI sadhai sadhailai - MANTRA

namuna (symbol of beauty) - by sabin rai

KASAI GARE PANI MAN BUJHDAINA...Jhareko paat by Narayan Gopal